April 7, 2009

How long has it been since I’ve blogged? You creeps probably have no idea what is going on in my life, and oh boy oh boy is there plenty. Let’s start with the obvious in saying I lost my life to softball. With classes and that sport I barely have time for anything (like blogging, for instance) but here I am, thank God it’s Student Achievement Day tomorrow. What is Student Achievement Day you may ask…it’s pretty much an excuse for the entire campus to get drunk and by pretty much I mean totally and completely the reason for it’s existence.

Okay, what’s going on in softball? Well, our team wins games we shouldn’t win…and loses games we should probably win. Unique, right? So is our team. Our team, let me try to explain it…the concentration of a kindegarten class full of ADD kids, mixed with the competitive drive of a Monk, and more complaining is done than throwing. That’s how I’d explain it. Anyway, softball is going swell. Coach Popp gets excited about Frosties. Real excited.

I went to Gay 90’s, maybe one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. It was for sure wicked fun, but kind of in one of those ways a Haunted House is fun. Just so much to see, I made friends with some Drag Queens and got slapped on the ass by more than 15 black women. Almost got raped by a dude…shout out to Taylor for saving my life.

Thinking about the two headed monster still consumes about 40% of my thoughts, and I hate every minute of it. It’s a love/hate relationship though, and I get to meet them. And by get to I mean I have to find me some buddies at Bethel, any suggestions would be kind and awesome.

I really don’t know what else to talk about, maybe my mind frame hasn’t been right for blogging lately, that’s why I haven’t been doing it. My thoughts are all too condensed into softball, school, and the two headed monster that I don’t have time to think about anything else.

Word to the Wise: If Abby/Brittany has a child, it’s technically it’s own first cousin.


Knees Deep

March 19, 2009

I sit here in the “warmth” of my living room. You’ll notice I used these guys ” ” around warmth, that’s because our house is super warm…and by super warm I mean subzero. You see, our heater doesn’t work…and you probably think that’s not a problem but that’s probably because you don’t live in the Arctic Circle aka Bemidji. It was warm for a few days and now it’s not anymore…it’s okay though…totally okay. The warm weather we had is where I’m going to begin my story for you.

Softball season is well under way, and we have a home game in approximately 2.5 weeks, which is good news seeing as we didn’t have any last year. In light of both of these facts, Coach Popp decided we better do some field work to get our field going. We expected to go out there and shovel off the infield, when we got there we were a bit surprised. I showed up in my “do me” outfit (pink snow pants…word) and was the first to enter the area. It’s fine, I was only knee deep in frigid water. Apparently our entire infield was under this foot of water as well, and our job was to get this water moving. So I used my excellent water moving skills and we created the Nile River right there on the BSU campus. We flooded most of it, and I had to do taxi service for the hosers who had cold feet. The same hosers who stood on the bench while the water flowed under them….I threw them on my back and then carried them through Salt Lake (which was around us) and over the Nile (the flowing water which was now over taking the cars parked along the way)

On the plus side, our field is no longer covered in water…on the negative side it got cold again and is now covered in a thick sheet of ice. I can’t wait until it all melts and we can start another lake/river. Hopefully though we can forge through this rough patch and be playing Winona and Southwest (I feel like that’s the other team…) in a couple weeks here at BSU…the Lake, the Learning, the Life. For now we’ll look forward to next weekend, a little CSP action followed by some SCSU ball. Beaver Softball…hardcore rock the fuck on.

That’s all I’ve got for now, I’m going to go lay on my ninja perch (because heat rises and I can get a couple extra degrees up there) in my UnderArmour (yes, I slept in it…not that comfy fyi)

Word to the Wise: If I’m ever in Titanic water again, somebody better get me the damn Heart of the Ocean and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Okay, so I’m home from the land of old people and man eaters. It was a good time, I’m going to tell you about a few of the better experiences I had there…and on the way there…but mostly about the wonderful people I met there.

On the way there Jiffy and I were sitting in row 23, and in walks Ellen. Ellen is a beautiful blonde woman who had many funny stories and she had the most gigantic bag of peanuts I’ve ever seen. She offered us her goodies and chatted with us (much to our dismay, even when we had our Ipods in and were trying to sleep) about anything and everything. We learned about her husband and her friend…and even had to borrow her our cell phones so she could get her ride to a house from the airport. I’m going to miss Ellen forever and ever.

Then there was our buddy Richard. He’s mildly schizophrenic and his “house” was on the 4th floor of our hotel. He invited our teammates to his house every now and then….and told us some profound wisdom. Like, for instance, if you take a left past Pluto you’ll find the new horizon. He also calls 911 just to chat, and did so while we were there. Several cops and firetrucks showed up, but they just put him in handcuffs and said “How are you today Richard?” Not only was he always so into the world, but he also looooooooooved his music. Nickelback mostly, and he loved his steak subs and Italian subs. Hey hey, he wants to be a rockstar.

Another gem was Vinny, the smoothe talking New Yorker who ran our tourney. He poured me Dew every time it got below half, and was always cracking funny jokes.

Other fun people:
Dan…who drinks Smirnoff 40’s and gets wasted by the pool. If you don’t know his name, “It’s like Nad spelled backwards.”
Stanley…who when is Ipod ran out of battery almost cried.
Man Bear Pig Dude…who was a giant and loved Kim Powell more than life itself.
The Cowboys…they let 6er and some semi-pro football players ride their horse in the McDonald’s parking lot.
The Blow Up Doll…er….enough said.
Joe Nathan…with whom the Beaver Softball team is now on a first name basis with.

And so many more…I can’t make these too long or Daniel can’t read them…in my next blog I’ll recount the prayer circle around the pitcher’s mound in which I almost busted out laughing during.

Word to the Wise: Blondes Have More Fun.

Spring Break Baby!

March 8, 2009

Okay, so my Spring Break doesn’t consist of getting pants shitting drunk and having 13 hook ups and questioning pregnancy for the next month…but I think I’ll live. I’m sitting in Florida right now, it’s about 70 degrees out and it’s 8:30 in the morning. We’re going to the beach at 11…then have night games. It’s really too bad you’re not here. I hope the person I’m directing this at looks out their window and sees a nice snowy pine tree. Okay this computer sucks…I’ll type one on mine and work on that later. Just wanted to let you know that I’m fully alive. Word.

Word to the Wise: Sunshine on my shoulders…makes me happy.

So I got kinda homesick, which is odd because I really don’t miss home too often other than the actual fact I miss International Falls. Anyway, I realized I wasn’t homesick, I was Woody-less. That’s way less creepy than it sounds, I mean Jenna Wood-less. Woody is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and I miss her at a constant rate. You might understand if I tell you more about our friendship…so I will.

So when I was younger my best friend was Amber, she was a girl who lived like 5 houses down from me (next to the watermelon house) and she was 2 years older than me. Her older sister is my sisters’ age so it was perfect. Amber and I spent every day together, and one day her cousin Jenna was coming over. Jenna was my age, and they told us we should be friends. I wasn’t having it…I had my Amber and there was no need for other people in my life. So Amber, this shady Jenna character and I were jumping on the trampoline and BAM. Jenna and I whacked heads, after that we talked and became friends…

We had different kindegarten classes, but we were both in the AM classes, and we both for some reason went to school unreasonably early (mine was because my parents are teachers and would drop me off at school and I don’t know her reasoning…but that doesn’t relate to the story at all) and we would sneak into eachother’s classrooms and hang out. My room was obviously cooler because we had an igloo and a teepee, but hers was cool too. We were rebels even at that point in our lives. We also spent a lot of time out at Amber’s shack…which was equally as exciting.

Holler Elementary was kind of a blur, we were still kinda friends but didn’t really hang out too often unless we were building snow forts (PS. our version of snowforts was making inch high walls and playing house in them at this point) and what not. Then we got to Falls El, I was in the MAC class, and she wasn’t…as we all know the MACsters don’t associate themselves with the outsiders so Jenna (she was still Jenna at this point in her life) and I were enemies. Then came Pete’s class…Jenna got into the MAC program! Woot woot! I remember the first day she leaned back in her chair, fell on the floor, and Mr. Peterson…”Jenna….welcome to the MAC class!” We did our Chicken Fat every morning and what not.

On the playground during these times in our life, we loved to play puppies and hockey team. During hockey team I was always the coach Jenna (she becomes Woody soon, don’t worry) was always my star player. She was like the Charlie Conway of the team…and we harrassed the other people and made them skate laps and stuff. She also always got to ride shot gun in the big orange truck (it was this ladder looking thing, we took it to all of our pretend games)

So Jenna decided to actually play hockey with me as soon as the girls program got up and running and the coaches called her Woody. She didn’t really like it that much but they called her that. She had a crush on Mike at one point and wrote “Woodrow Wilson” on her hand and said it had secret meaning (Mike’s last name is Wilson…she’s so clever!) Then there was that one time she had to get kissed on the hand at recess and got nervous (it was too scandelous!)

So Woody and I lived our lives on the rink (and the softball field until quitter quit on me) we played defense together for a while, and thought we were pretty bad ass. We were 3 and 9…her slap shot was taking form nicely. We went to UND hockey camp and both got so homesick we cried and wanted to go home (we were in 5th grade) but then we both found our UND boyfriends and went to dances with them and never called our parents again. We went back every year after that to UND and both were going to go there (one of us did) and Woody loved Froats with everything in her heart.

High school hockey came around, Woody and I were both big gamers making the Varsity team in 8th grade. She played forward, I played defense (which will turn out to be unique) and we were so cool. We wore our purple jumpsuits to school and even though they were absolutely hideous we thought we were cool…almost as cool as when we got our lettermans jackets.

We did CODP together to hone our hockey skills, but our friendship became super strong again due to the fact we spent the summer hauling ourselves around Minnesota. Grand Rapids or Hibbing twice a week then all the way down to Clogay every Sunday for a little scrimmaging. Can’t get any better than eating at the Hi-Hat once a week. Every now and then we’d hit up Wendy’s….but we mostly took Sadie home and stopped at the Lo-Hat (the name changed when Sadie switched alliances) for some of the best food.

Now Woody and I are both at college. We see eachother when we’re home and laugh about the idiots we were at one point in our lives. We work together at the Sha and play some slowpitch in the summer on the greatest team there is (Team Super One, Sha-Sha, Falls Family Dental) and are 9 and 9^2 because now I’m 9 at college and we got in a small dispute about who could be 9 in the summer. Sweet compromise I know. 

This blog made me miss Woody more, so Woody please come see me right now. Love ya bitch.

Word to the Wise: Find new friends but keep the old, for one is silver and the other is gold.

Copyright This Shit Now

March 1, 2009

Okay. This is the deepest I’ve ever thought about anything in my entire life. I’m going to write many books about it and there will be very many movies made about it. I’m talking Harry Potter Twilight shit right now. Okay…soo I’m watching this thing about conjoined twins on TLC and it’s the most perplexing thing ever. Okay…say chick gets pissed at someone and punches them, and then doesn’t wanna get hit back so she blames it on the other one and then they like hit eachother and blame it on eachother? What if one of the bodies was gay…and the other was a homophobe? On to: what if a person had one body but like…had 2 brains. So they hit somebody and then they just beat the shit out of themself because they think they did it. Rude, right? Okay on to: there’s a conjoined body and then there’s another conjoined body and each has one brain. *This point there is Two bodies, Four brains) so this person hits somebody and these two bodies are at the point where they start arguing, both twin sets picks on eachother and they start fighting. On to where these two bodies and four brains have ONE HEART. So they’re all depending on this main guy. But each body hates eachother so they either have to kill eachother or not kill eachother. But they have a lot of hatred. ON TO where each there’s four bodies four brains one heart…all have pure hatred.

Word to the Wise: You think with your brain…not with your heart.

AND! I’m serious about this copyright.

Skinny Tricks, Tiny Hos

February 28, 2009

So I went to the Conference Track Meet, being held right here on the campus of Bemidji State University, located in the Gillett Recreation Center. I noticed something about all of the runners, the something I noticed was that their wastes were similar to the size of my leg. And by similar I mean not the same because they were smaller. Sick. I honestly bet if I cut off my right leg it would outweigh every single person running in some of those marathons. Not to mention they don’t cover up their skinny little bodies by wearing fat people clothes, they’re like “Oh, I’m just going to wear these spandex all of the time, because I’m so skinny.” Eat a hamburger, in fact, eat an entire cow…then we can talk.

That brings me to my next point! How boring is watching track? Jesus Christ, I almost fell asleep right there in the Rec. Watching people run around in circles is not only top 3 on most boring things ever, it also makes me kind of dizzy. Mostly because they were running so slow (ha!) If I were to run with them they’d be somewhere around mile 4 when I finished up my first warm up lap. It’s okay though, I have flat feet, I’m not made to run…I like to think I’m made to swim or skate.

Have you ever seen my feet? Because if you haven’t, I’ll show you. They’re not like the normal flat, they actually have like an opposite arch that juts out. It’s very weird and it hurts pretty badly. I love my skates because they fit me like a glove, but for my foot. So like a foot glove, or as I like to call it a sock.

Today I’m wearing a cut-off tee, supporting my right to bare arms. This isn’t only a cut off tee, it’s like the 1999 version of the Adidas shirt with the 3 stripe pyramid looking thing with a huge Adidas below it…it’s a beautiful color of barf green. What I mean is, I look good. I’m watching America’s Next Top Model, these chicks have nothing on my current outfit. Sweatpants are sexy, too!

Word to the Wise: Eat a sandwich.